Thursday, January 23, 2014

What a Writer Thinks

I can only speak for myself in this, but I bet many writers have these same thoughts at some point. So here's just a glimpse of what goes through my mind.
P.S. I was never crazy before I started writing.

I want to write like this!
I love that scene I just wrote. I could read it over and over again.

I love that scene, how I remember it in my mind-- but if I go back and read it again, it's probably entirely stupid.

I won't re-read what I just wrote; plunging ahead!

I can't believe I just used a cliche I've never spoken in real life.

I think an adverb could be okay here; I'll. . .leave it. . .for now.
We are not amused by this book.

Somewhere, someone is going to read this and go, "Yeah, right" and throw my book across the room!

Sometime, someone's going to review this book and call it "the work of a child."

This IS the work of a child; what was I thinking? 

Why am I wasting my time, putting all this effort into total trash?!?!

But I love it, and it's from my heart.

But who cares? It will most likely never see the light of day!

That scene was really funny to me-- but someone's going to call it a cartoon.

That IS what I'm writing-- a total cartoon of stupid stupidity!
This isn't going to be me! Not giving up. Ever.

But I love it, and I know I can't please everyone. 

Even if I can please ONE reader, it will all be worth it. I think.

What else could I be doing with my time?

Someone, somewhere will point out this type of screw was not used until later in history. 

So what? Screw them. 

Why?? For the love of Pete, WHY am I doing this???? 

Wait, Pete is the name of one of my characters. 

I can't wait until I get a free moment. I have this great scene in my head I need to write.

Monday, January 20, 2014

A Tale of Two Traumas and What Matters

After re-connecting with a school friend, she told me a story that has stuck with me. I had asked a question regarding what you would miss if it were taken from you, and she said she had been through two robberies! This I had to hear.

Thanks to Christy for telling her story here.

In May of our senior year of high school, my dad took a new job in Memphis. My mom, brother, and I stayed behind so I could graduate and we could work our summer jobs before school in the fall. So, the 3 of us lived in an apartment temporarily, while Dad came home every other weekend all summer. In August, my brother moved to his college dorm, and the night before I was supposed to go to school, we borrowed our friend's car and loaded it up with all my stuff. I went out with some friends, came home and went to bed.
My mom came into my room the next morning.
"Was the car there when you got home last night?"
"Yep, sure was, Mom."
"Well, it's not now."
And so, I moved to college with literally the clothes on my back. They had my scrapbook from my graduation reception (pictures from my birth through graduation), journals, and computer--Everything I was taking to college with me.
It doesn't take long to move into the dorm when you have one pair of shoes and a stereo. My parents and I went to Wal-Mart and spent probably $1000 trying to get me ready for the first day of class. I didn't even have sheets, pens, backpack...nothing. Mom and Dad moved to Memphis the next day (it broke their hearts to leave me knowing the trauma I was going through). Three days later was my 18th birthday and they found the car. It had one of my birthday presents and my case of Dr. Pepper left in it. That's it. 
The second robbery was just that. Karl and I had been married 8 months. We came home from work one night (we carpooled) and found one of our laundry baskets in our driveway (we live in the country in the middle of nowhere. The closest neighbor is 1/2 mile away and we can only see one house from ours). There was a trail of DVDs through the yard up to the door. It wasn't pretty when we entered the house. All of the kitchen cabinets were open and the place was ransacked. They got interrupted or I'm certain they would have taken more (we know they were interrupted because there were bags half-packed left throughout the house). They took most of the electronic equipment, all the DVDs (we had a ton), jewelry, guns, ammo, money, and more. All told, it was about $14,000 worth of stuff. They took the diamond tennis bracelet that Dad gave Mom on their 15th anniversary. They took a box of letters that my mother-in-law had written to Karl through the years. They took my jewelry box with my high school class ring in it (so if you're ever in a pawn shop, see if my name is engraved on the inside. HA!). 
They never found out who did it (in either case, actually).

How do you move on and heal from either of these horrible situations?

It was hard to process. The first time, I was so lost I didn't know anyone at college since it was the first day. I literally had nothing. It was VERY hard to cope. I would imagine that moving to college would have been hard anyway, but adding on your parents moving 9 hours away and not having any of your stuff just made it worse. In some ways, I'm angry that I didn't get to have the "normal" first week of college experience. I missed out on a lot the first day because I was trying to get some of my stuff replaced. It took months to get everything replaced. I have the list of everything that was taken. . .it's ridiculously long. 

The home robbery was very violating. Knowing that these people had been through my drawers and cabinets was disgusting to me. My mom came out the next day and scrubbed my entire kitchen from top to bottom (cabinets, dishes, floor, doors, etc). We just wanted to get the "ick" out. It took a long time for me to not be paranoid when I came home after work. I never felt unsafe because I knew my husband would keep me safe. But, I still felt uneasy--especially when I was home alone at night. Where we live, there are no street lights. It's very dark and quiet. Every time the dog barked, I thought someone might be coming. It was hard. Eventually I worked through it and rarely feel panicky about it anymore (it's been 9 years), but I do still have some random moments of paranoia. When it comes now, it's intense because I'm home with the kids and my "Mama Bear" instincts come out to protect my babies. 
I think it's probably made me less trusting of people I don't know. If someone just stops by our house, I meet them outside (don't even let them get inside the fence) with my phone in my hand in case I have to call for help. I even make my kids stay away from the windows!

It really makes you realize what actually matters. The DVDs and TV's can be replaced. The pictures and letters hurt the most. You can't get those back. Yes, you have the memories of what they said, but when that person is gone, it would be nice to have their written words or a picture with them. I do take more precautions now to save and back up all my pictures.

Christy, I'm so glad we reconnected, and I wish I had been able to help out when you went to college! We all went our separate ways, with no Facebook back then. . . I hope you had support around you at the time.

Obviously, you have healed because you have a bright, shining, positive spirit on social media-- where I see you now. I hope your story can inspire someone else who has been violated by theft that others have been there-- and have moved through it. Thanks for sharing and letting me use your story!